From There To Here

I was never a big believer in the saying “everything happens for a reason”, my philosophy was one of “shit happens, you deal with it and move on”, until of course I became a mom, and a lot of shit happened, and then I saw similar shit happening to other moms and then… well I lost my shit at the unfairness of it all and decided that maybe it happened to me for a reason.

My daughter was born 6 weeks prematurely in January 2011, I had had an anxious pregnancy, and at 34 weeks, due to an infection in my womb, we met our beautiful daughter.
She was quite ill and spent her first 2 weeks in the neonatal ICU, which is where my exclusive pumping journey began.

I had every intention of breastfeeding, this was very apparent in the lack of pumps, bottles and dummy’s in my home, even guests to my baby shower were politely informed that anything silicone was not needed, I knew what I wanted, I knew what was normal, I did my homework, but I was still unprepared, because my baby didn’t feel the same about breastfeeding as I did, in fact, I’m pretty sure she flat out hated it, and this was painfully apparent in her screams and wretching whenever I presented her with my painfully engorged breasts.

While in the NICU I was pumping every 2 hours and attempting breastfeeding whenever she was stable enough to tolerate it, sadly, the hospitals appointed lactation was not a certified lactation consultant and from the detrimental and damaging advice and technique she spewed, you could tell she knew very little and had alterior motives (or should we say “income”), I was completely unsupported and as a first time mom I had no idea how to use the big scary breastpump, so sadly i only knew about pumping one breast at a time, but again, everything happens for a reason….

When we got home I had nothing, I was still dead set on breastfeeding, but that was not going well, so on day two of being home, I took my screaming, boob-hating baby back to the hospital. I was told to relax… if only it were that simple.
My mom bought me a lovely little manual pump and some bottles.
My daughter however was not a fan of bottles either, (which made me feel slightly better, at least it wasn’t me, hey), we tried every single bottle on the market, she wasn’t having any of it, so we stuck with syringe feeding and pumping for 5 long months. (Eventually she took to a bottle brand, but it took a lot of patience and endless bouncing to repeats of Kerri Hillsons “Pretty Girl Rock”).

My husband eventually bought me a small single electric, it was more of an emergency purchase as we were admitted for the umpteenth time for poor feeding and dehydration and I had left my pump at home, the hospital was not so generous and refused me using their hospital pump, needless to say I didn’t respond to the single electric and ended up going back to my trusty little manual pump.

My schedule was hectic, insanely hectic, my supply was low and I was pumping as needed, some times i could pump a full bottle before a feed, but others I would have to feed what I had and pump again before she noticed that that wasn’t a full feed. At six months I eventually dropped to 10 sessions a day, my daughter was still struggling with feeding and I had been placed on a phsychiatric drug (Eglynol) that has a side effect of lactation, this gave me the opportunity to finally pump a feed ahead.

At a year my daughter was down to 5 milk feeds a day, I was pumping 8 times a day and slowly by 22 months I had dropped down to 2 pump sessions a day and my daughter was down to a single bedtime feed, this made freezing and donating a possibility.
My daughter continued to struggle with weight and feeding, and once I reached my original goal of 3 years, I felt it was necessary to continue pumping for the many health benefits we had seen first hand.

I was still happily pumping with my little manual, although we had gone through 2 flanges due to melting during sterilization, but ultimately it was still my trusty little manual, until one fateful day it finally met it’s end after being dropped on the kitchen floor.

I was then given the greatest, most generous gift, a double electric. My very first double electric (and this time I knew how to use it), and it was liberating, it was quick, easy and I loved it so much I even increased my pumps per day to 3.

Sadly, before my daughters 4th birthday, my pcos reared it’s ugly little head, my hormones went crazy, my supply drastically dropped and I got super fat (and pimply), I sobbed more at the possibility of loosing my milk than I had ever before, I increased my sessions back up to 10 times a day but still, my supply seemed to be stuck at a measly 40mls a day.

By her 4th birthday I was an emotional wreck, between the forced weaning and my beautiful little girl growing up, I was a big teary mess, but I persevered, I am still persevering, I still lug out my pump twice a day and sit and pump my 40mls a day which I religiously add to one of the bags from my frozen stash every night, and every night we cuddle up, my big girl curled on my lap while I hold her milk and stroke her hair as she drifts off happily to sleep, with a tummy full of love. My love.

I look back at my slowly ending journey with pride, with inspiration to help other mothers, to make sure they never, ever have to go through the confusion, invalidation and fear I went through, with inspiration to create knowledge, support and a platform for education and awareness of exclusive pumping.

Going from there to here has been emotional, tiring, frustrating, exhausting and scary, but it has also been beautiful, fulfilling, and more than anything, it’s been worth it.

Power Pumping: A Little Clarification

Power Pumping : There is a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding regarding power pumping and how (and why) it works.

Firstly, power pumping is where a mother would pump her breasts in a way that mimics a baby cluster feeding, there is some confusion when it comes to double and single pumping.

Double Pumping: (Double Electric Pumping Both Breasts Simultaneously)

First pump: 20 minutes
Rest period: 10 minutes
Pump: 15 minutes
Rest: 10 minutes
Pump: 15 minutes

This works out to an hour and 5 minutes.

Single Pumping: (Using a Single Electric or Manual Pump)

First Pump: alternating breasts for 20 minutes (pump until spraying flow stops and switch breasts.
Rest the breast you ended the first session while you pump the other for 10 minutes.
Rest the breast you pumped at the last 10 minute session while pumping the other breast for 10 minutes.
Continue for an hour.

Power pumping is about stimulation, you may or may not get a great yield from a power pumping session, and you may not see results immediately, but power pumping once or twice a day for 2 or 3 consecutive days will increase your supply more efficiently than any galactagogue.

Usually a baby will start cluster feeding a day a day or two before a growth spurt, they do this instinctually in order to increase moms breastmilk supply for their upcoming need, a baby may comfort suck for hours which stimulates the milk ducts to produce more milk, while it is unrealistic for a pumping mom to sit for hours attached to a pump, an hour or two a day for a few days is sufficient to help increase the milk supply.

A Few Tips:

Plan Ahead: Make sure your partner or an alternative caregiver are around to help with baby, or any other unexpected interruptions.

Make sure you have everything you need close by, drinks, snacks, remote, phone.

A great Power Pumping Hack is to sit down to an hour long (or longer if you wish) program, while watching your program, pump, as soon as an advert comes on, switch off and take a break.

The Woes of Weaning From The Pump

You have more than likely heard all about schedules, mastitis, supplements and pumps and bottles, and you more than likely have spoken to a few moms who have successfully weaned, but very few of us hear about weaning depression or even know the signs.

It is important for mothers to help break the stigma when it comes to mental illnesses such as post partum depression and the lesser known weaning depression, and the only way we can successfully break the stigma is through is speaking up and educating others.

I have spend a few hours chatting to my wonderful and supportive phsyciatrist, Dr Pillay, on the warning signs of weaning depression, how and when to treat it and why it happens and most importantly who is more at risk of developing weaning depression.

We’ll start off with WHY it happens:

When breastfeeding, or lactating in general, your body is flooded with hormones, specifically oxytocin and prolactin, these two hormones, along with several more create levels that promote love, bonding and calm.
When weaning, these hormones are no longer triggered as often and other hormone levels start to rise, which creates an imbalance, this imbalance is usually temporary and hormone levels taper out to a balanced normal within a few days to weeks.

What are the warning signs that weaning depression is becoming something more:

Weaning depression typically only lasts a few days to a month, if you are still feeling depressed after a month post weaning then it is best to chat to your certified lactation consultant or general practitioner, if they feel it warrants further treatment, they will refer you to a phsychiatrist or phsycologist for further intensive treatment.

Warning signs:

If you feel any of the following feelings intensely for longer than a month, or have feelings of hurting yourself or anyone else, contact your doctor immediately.

Loss of interest in things that previously interested you.
Tearfulness
Aggression
Unexplained anger
Feeling of despair
Extreme lethargy, or lack of motivation to get out of bed
Constant crying
Irritability
Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness
Changes in sleep patterns (needing less or more sleep)
Appetite changes

All feelings of self harm or feeling out of control should be taken seriously.

Successful Treatment of Weaning Depression.

There are many ways in which to successfully treat depression, from medications to talk therapy, however weaning depression is best tackled with talk therapy and then if your therapist or phsycologist feels it necessary he/she will refer you to a phsychiatrist for evaluation for medications that will best suit you and your circumstances.

Who is more susceptible to weaning depression:

Women who have struggled with traumatic birth or breastfeeding experiences.
Women who have previously suffered with depression.
Mothers of preterm infants
Mothers who were given drugs such as eglynol or esperide and not properly weaned.
Mothers who have underlying issues such as post traumatic stress disorder or anxiety disorders.
Mothers who wean prematurely.

What can you do to prevent weaning depression.

Listen to your body, if you prematurely wean you are more likely to suffer with feelings of regret or guilt.
Exercise, preferably outdoors in the sunshine.
Watch your diet, try staying away from sugary foods, processed foods and hormone ladened meats.
Up your intake of green leafy vegetables.
Connect, with your child, with your family and with your friends.
Talk, problems only grow and fester when contained, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Be kind to yourself and those around you.

If you, or anyone you know are showing signs of depression, contact SADAG (South African Depression and Anxiety Group), they will able to chat to you and help you find a mental health practitioner in your area, they will also be able to help you find a support group or even help you with talking to family and friends.

Speaking out is a sign of strength.

SADAG: (011) 234 4837
24hour Helpline: 0800 12 13 14
SMS: 31393 (and they will call you back)